What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
