hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
