You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
