You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i wish my penis had a tongue
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
