Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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