she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Swine flu is the new snow day.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
