tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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