I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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