I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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