The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
so let's talk penis.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
