I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
