Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm too high and old for this...
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
