I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
only you would photoshop your dick
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
