my room smells like sperm. sweet.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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