oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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