I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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