A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
