I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
