I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
