Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
