She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
