life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
