Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
