3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
