i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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