So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
