take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
