if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
