I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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