Pregnant stripper...not hot.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
