I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize