he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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