My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize