I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
