Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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