I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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