four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
