I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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