He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
