Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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