so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
and she was petting her beer can
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
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