please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
