One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
