Plan B is the new Plan A
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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