hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
