in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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