MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
