I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
