i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I stole a fireplace last night.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
