I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
