He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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