The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
