so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
