Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
