i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
