mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize