seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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