he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
