Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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