kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
