Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Is Oprah even human
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
