I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
