Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
