Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
