Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
i've created a new STD.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
