This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
