My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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